Ok, a few tips. After this weekend, a little guide seemed like a good idea.
1. Kink, preferences, all that stuff is situational. It’s all about mood and partner. Go with what works. It’s OK to ask or to put something out there. If I go with it, then we’re OK. If I say thanks I’d rather not, then don’t.
2. No, you probably won’t change my mind by asking a second time after I’ve said no to something. Asking again will only annoy me. If I decide I do want to do whatever it is, I’ll bring it up. Not to worry.
3. If the second request got shot down, what makes you think requests 3 and 4 have any chance? Really.
4. Don’t just stop in the middle. If, for example, the door bell rings and you need to answer it, or the phone, then by all means, excuse yourself and do your business. Once is OK. Twice, we need to have a little history. Too many interruptions and I lose it. If life is really that busy all of a sudden and you need to abandon entirely, that’s OK too. Just say so. Don’t leave a girl hanging. It’s rude.
5. Here’s the thing. It’s cyber. It’s the internet. You can surf and do it at the same time. Hell, half the time I’m surfing somewhere else (usually porn). Unless its really intense and then I get focused. But long stretches of me talking to myself don’t really do anything for me. I have blogs to write when I want to talk to myself. Cyber is supposed to be interactive. Too many long pauses and I’m out.
6. Don’t ask me a million questions. I appreciate questions. I like knowing that you care (at least a little) about making this fun for everyone. If we know each other well and we’re having playful silly sex there’s a little more leeway. Even so, understand the proper question asking time. If I’ve got your cock in my mouth and you stop me to ask questions, I’ll stop and answer them. But when I think you’re done and I resume my activity, let me. Don’t wait till I’ve just gotten back into it to go with round 2 of the questions. Especially if you’re someone that falls on the fuck buddy end of the scale and not on the friends with benefits end of the scale. Do you want to talk or fuck? I appreciate the lack of non verbals in cyber space, but you still have to maintain momentum.
7. Subbing. Yes I’m switchy. Evidently. But I’m still only comfortable subbing for select folks. And right now by select folks I mean 1 person always and 1 person sometimes. You’ll know if you’re one of them.
8. You do not have to be doing the dom/sub thing to have hard rough sex. The privilege of calling me names during sex is reserved for the two folks mentioned above.
9. I like to be in control. If you want me to dom you, ask but don’t beg. Much like the lovely Bitchy Jones (she’s my hero) I don’t get off on domming someone weak. I like a sub with some fight in them. Otherwise its not much of a challenge and it gets boring for me.
10. I like sex as much, or possibly more, than the next person. But I do not sit around pining away for my next encounter. Between my established partners, porn, and the blogs, I’m fairly content. Doesn’t mean I won’t still go for a random fuck every now and again, I am slutty after all, but if I say I’m not in the mood, it’s because I’m not. And just because we’re talking about sex doesn’t mean that’s a guaranteed lead up to sex. I just like to talk about it.